Wednesday, April 17, 2024
From My Front Porch

The differences between men and women


It has taken me a long time to finally come out and admit it, but I will never really understand women. From the first time I noticed a young girl in my first-grade class until today, I have found my assumptions about females were usually incorrect. When I make such a statement it is not out of anger or any form of hostility toward woman, nor does it reflect indifference. It is simply a recognition of my own failings and a simple acknowledgment that the sexes have two completely different ways of walking through life. It seems to me the sooner a man acknowledges that he has no idea of what makes a woman’s mind “tick,” the sooner he will find peace.

After all, look at the differences.

When packing for a vacation, a woman will start a month early. She will make a ton of lists, remember all the random items she needs to bring, manage to squeeze mounds of clothes and shoes in a bag so tight it defies all physical law, and then she will worry about what she forgot. A man will only think about what to bring on a trip in the period it takes to walk from the sofa to the location of his suitcase. To pack, they will throw a few items in the bag, and this usually happens the night before the trip though it can happen up to the very morning of departure. He will never consider what others will wear, what clothes to wear for a special event taking place during the trip, or what he will do if he forgets something. He believes that if something is missing, he will replace it at the destination’s nearest Walmart.

Then there are bathroom items. Men basically have the following items in their bathroom: toothpaste, toothbrush, razor, soap and shampoo. Women will have 178 different items in their bathroom and all but 10 of those items, a man has no idea of their purpose. What the heck does rejuvenating skin toner do anyway?

Women wash dishes after a meal, or they finish the dishes from the night before when they get up in the morning. Men wash dishes after a meal, or when there is not a single clean dish left to use. Men also use the same “all out so I guess I better take action” mentality when it comes to doing laundry.

When four men go to lunch and the bill comes, either one guy grabs the check and pays it, or each one of them toss a $20 bill on the table to pay for their $7 hamburgers, leaving the change for the server. When women go to lunch and the check arrives, absolutely no one reaches to grab it. Eventually a forensic accounting is conducted by the group to determine who had the watercress salad and exactly what each person’s indebtedness is, determined down to the penny. If a tip is left, it is exactly 18% of the total bill.

Women are very color-oriented. They seek out colors like sea foam, cayenne, eggplant and teal, while men stick to the basics of red, blue, brown, and black.

A woman’s shoes outnumber the number of shirts she owns. A man has more shirts than he does shoes. A lot more.

Men go the moon and take a half dozen photos. Women go to the park and take 31 photos, one video, and, occasionally, sign on for Facebook Live. If kids or grandchildren are with the woman, the numbers increase exponentially.

I guess the world would be a very boring place if men and women thought the same and acted the same. Acceptance is the key, and understanding what we don’t know and will never figure out. God bless the differences.

Thought for the day: Being a woman is a tremendously difficult task, since it consists principally with dealing with men.

Until next time…I will keep ridin’ the storm out.